That is why the Lord says,
    “Turn to me now, while there is time.
Give me your hearts.
    Come with fasting, weeping, and mourning.
¹³ Don’t tear your clothing in your grief,
    but tear your hearts instead.”
Return to the Lord your God,
    for he is merciful and compassionate,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
    He is eager to relent and not punish.

Joel 2:12-13 NLT

A week ago I was sitting in my bedroom, my 2.5 year old asleep in his room next door and my 5 month old peacefully sleeping in the crook of my arm. I was debating: do I move the baby and try to take a nap myself, or do I scroll TikTok and wait for one of them to stir. While I was deciding, an email came through–a reminder of a free zoom session I’d signed up for through the ministry I’d received my certificate in Spiritual Formation through. The topic: preparation for the Lenten season. The session was starting in 10 minutes, so I slipped in my headphones and queued up the app.

It’s amazing how the Lord meets us exactly where we are in exactly the way that we need Him. For the next 45 minutes I was fed spiritually in a way that I was desperately needing.

A year ago, I was deep into blogging and spiritual practices when I found out I was pregnant with my second child. The semblance of myself that I had found post-firstborn baby was quickly replaced with another round of exhausted nights and survival mode: being pregnant and taking care of a rambunctious toddler is not for the faint of heart. While it’s hard to express the disappointment I felt at putting aside so many of the things I had dreamed of for 2024, I was incredibly excited to be pregnant with our second child and to meet our precious daughter. I had gone through the process of postpartum before: I knew I would get back to a place where I would be content as both a mother and a soul in relationship with the Father. But I also knew it was going to take time, and there would be some hard moments in the interim.

We greeted our daughter in September, and now, 5 months postpartum, I’m beginning to feel a little more like myself again. In starting to settle into routines, I’ve become aware of my need to come back into more intentional time of prayer and relationship with the Lord, not just in the ups and downs of motherhood, but in all the daily in-betweens.

Again, I was sitting in my bed, listening to the session, when the question was asked: “Where have you strayed from God, and your authentic self in God?”

I know that in this season of life, my family is my most important ministry. Those two lives depend on me, heart and soul, for all of their physical and emotional needs. So while, yes, they have been a distraction, they are an important and worthy distraction that the Lord ordained for this season of my life. But knowing that, I also know that my most authentic self is first centered on God, and being immersed in his presence will ultimately make me a better wife and mother to the people who need me most in these days.

With that question in mind, I asked the Lord to show me what He is inviting me into for this season of Lent, my season of returning. And just as He always does when I open myself up to His voice, He answered.

I felt Him emphasize:
intentionality
joy
removal of fear
returning to life-giving practices
commitment to the work He’s given me to do
and letting go of anything that doesn’t serve Him or my family in this season.

This Ash Wednesday, as we begin 40 days of preparation for the remembrance of the death and resurrection of our Savior, instead of giving up something, I’m asking God what I can add to this season of returning. For me this means a return to some of the basics of spiritual formation practices:

Reading from the Common Lectionary
I signed up for daily readings from the Common Lectionary to be delivered to my inbox. If I can read them in a moment of silence, great. If I have to read them during a feed with my daughter, awesome. If I read it in the only moments I have for myself, great. The point is, I’m committing to time in the Word each and every day and making it as easy as I can for myself to make that happen.

Commitment to Silence & Solitude
The most basic and most meaningful form of spiritual formation for my life has been silence & solitude. It’s so simple: time and space to silence the noise within, open up to the Lord, and allow for his Holy Spirit to work. And yet, as a mom to two young kids, it can be so difficult to find the time along with all the other things I want or need to do each day. I know that returning to this basic practice, aiming for 20 minutes a day, will bring back a level of trust and peace that I’ve been missing since not prioritizing this practice.

Commitment to self-care
Now usually, for me this means nails done, feet soaking, and face mask applied. But self-care in the lenten season means a bit more to me than physical “treat yo self” practices. Self-care means intentional time with the Lord-maybe a retreat day, or time to journal, or the space to write in this blog. Right now, I am leaving this as an open space where the Lord will lead me. More than anything I want this to be a place where I can practice more of the spiritual disciplines I have loved so dearly, but again, I leave it to Him to create the space and for me to diligently walk in when the opportunity arises.

Now my question for you is, what does returning look like in your life? Have you asked the Lord what He is inviting you into this Lent? If not, I would encourage you to get out some paper or open the notes app on your phone and sit with the Lord in that. Maybe you feel the need to remove something–or maybe He’s asking you to add in something that will provide spiritual life. How do we return to the most important aspects of our life and return to our most authentic selves in God?

These are questions I pray the Lord answers for me in this season. And I pray that as we begin this meaningful time in the Christian calendar, you would be open to the Lord’s leading in how you can return to your most authentic self in Him. I look forward to exploring this process together and hope you will join me in the process.