Genesis 20-22; Matthew 7:15-29; Psalms 9:1-12; Proverbs 2:16-22

“Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.” (Matthew 7:17-20 NIV)

As I’ve moved out of my postpartum phase with my son, I’ve been asking myself if my life is producing any fruit. That might sound like a silly thing to say, but prior to having my son, I was praying through some big dreams. I have promises that the Lord gave me years ago that I am still discerning (hello Abraham!), and I’m trying to listen to the Lord concerning next steps in terms of education and career path. When I had my son, I had a very hard time putting that to the side, even if I knew it was only for a time.

While I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom, and felt that the Lord had promised this to me, it was a rough journey to get to this spot. And once my son was here, I honestly thought that after a few months I would begin to feel like myself again and get back into the things that were lifegiving and ministry-centered. But that has not happened, and when you aren’t participating directly in anything that feels meaningful to you, you can easily feel lost and alone, and wonder if your life has any sort of larger purpose anymore. (You can tell me all day long that being a Mother is one of the greatest purposes you can take on in life, and I would agree with you wholeheartedly, but my brain was not accepting that. I couldn’t fathom ever sleeping or participating in actual society again.)

At 32 years old, I’ve felt that I haven’t accomplished what I know in my heart I’m meant to accomplish. I feel like time is slipping away and here I am, in the same spot I always have been. My human brain accepts this lie and says, yup, you’re too old to do anything meaningful now! But my soul laughs, and reminds me that my timing is not the correct timing.

Now, fruit. Good fruit to be exact. Good fruit doesn’t actually have to do with any of the silly striving I’ve talked about. Yes, fruit can come from ministry, but your fruit comes from your heart. Your fruit comes from the everyday moments where you are living out Jesus. Fruit doesn’t come from a platform and followers–fruit comes from a conversation with a coworker where you encourage and speak truth and say that you’ll pray for them. Fruit comes when you follow through. Fruit comes when you are praying through gratitude for the day. Good fruit shows up in everyday life and moments.

A good tree can only bear good fruit because it is healthy. The root system is growing deeper and deeper, supporting the growth and development of the trunk and branches. Layer after layer is building up within it, making it stronger and more resilient through the fiercest of storms. Taller and taller it grows, reaching up toward the sky–a beacon, a marker, a shelter, something to be in awe of. Finally, the fruit. Delicate, delicious, replenishing to those who partake in it.

Spiritual health comes when we are rooted in Jesus–when we ask him to prune, to weed, and to water is his time and in his way. This comes through scripture, through prayer, through listening to His voice, through Spiritual Direction, through partnering with the Holy Spirit to ask ourselves the hard questions about our fears and areas of hurt. It is only when we open ourselves up to our Heavenly Father and ask for him to “search us and know us” that we can root out the areas of sin and disfunction and replace them with healthy, thriving spiritual flesh.

What is the Lord saying to you about your spiritual health? Have you been looking for “fruit” in your striving for the Lord, or have you seen it in the day to day because of your focus on your spiritual life? How has your spiritual life been lately? This past month? This past year? I’d encourage you to sit in the Lord’s presence and ask Him these questions. Ask Him where He wants to make you healthy. Listen without fear of judgement, for the Lord knows your heart and motivations. Then take action! The Lord will bless your pursuit of Him, and I promise you, others will see your fruit and praise God for the peace and comfort you will bring to the world.